How To Help Your Child

Balancing Protection and Freedom

Including devices

The balance between protecting your child and giving them the freedom to develop is difficult. As a parent or carer, the natural reaction can be to implement additional safety measures to protect your child from further harm. These can include removing access to the internet and devices.

Children often express feeling that they are treated differently after being abused or their abuse has been discovered, and tension is caused by the child feeling they are being punished by not being given the freedom to be themselves. Discuss the reasons why you are taking certain protective measures and explore them with your child, so they do not feel blamed and that they have your trust.

Where possible make time for your usual family activities so your child keeps some of their old routines and does not feel their life is now solely about what happened.

Understanding Changes in Behaviour

Trauma response

Trauma response is the term given to describe the reaction we may have to something harmful or frightening. You may see your child acting in a way that to you is confusing. This may be your child’s trauma response.

The main parts of the brain that are involved in a trauma response are the Pre-frontal cortex, the Hippocampus, and the Amygdala.

Pre-frontal cortex: The part of the brain behind the forehead that helps regulate emotions (and isn’t fully formed until early adulthood). When faced with a threat the pre-frontal cortex can effectively go offline. This impairs the ability to control emotions and responses, and your child may shout, cry, laugh inappropriately, or struggle to find the right words.

Hippocampus: This part of the brain helps process and organise memories (for example, linking a smell with a memory). Following trauma, there is a risk that similar smells and/or sounds may trigger a trauma response later on. Trauma can also mean memories are not ‘recorded’ in order or in detail, so your child may recall fragments but not be able to explain events as you would expect

Amygdala: The brain’s warning alarm. When it senses danger, it responds by releasing a chemical in the brain that triggers a set of physical reactions: fight, flight, freeze, flop or fawn. When the perceived threat is over, it’s common to feel very tired.

It is important to recognise the behaviours you may be witnessing as a biological response and not deliberate ‘bad behaviour’.  An example is a child who pushes a teacher out of the way and runs out of the school.  It is not necessarily about wanting to harm the teacher or run away.  They may have been triggered and their amygdala response was flight meaning they ran and would push away anything in their path.  

Getting Additional Support

If your child is struggling with trauma and/or anxiety, speak to your GP about support. Your GP can discuss strategies to help and, if needed, may refer your child to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services).

It can also help to speak with your child’s school or college about what support is available. Consider contacting the safeguarding lead, head teacher, or pastoral team, and ask what practical support they can offer. It may also be useful to check if any assemblies or lessons will be covering related topics, so your child can decide whether they feel able to take part.

In some cases, the police will notify Children’s Social Care if they have concerns a child has been harmed. They may contact you to explain what they’ve received and discuss whether any support is needed. If they meet with you, ask them to be clear about what support they can offer, what they will do, and for how long.

The police may also ask if you want to be contacted by a victim support organisation. This is often a phone call offering practical advice and support to help you through what happens next.

For more support options, click on the additional support button below— providing links to support services for children as well as for parents/carers.