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First Things First

The first 24 hours

We understand that you may be finding this a distressing time for both you and your family. We want you to know that you are not alone. Parents and children often blame themselves for what has happened. It is not your or your child’s fault.

It may not be clear what has happened to your child at this stage. What is known is that the police have identified an image of them and need to make sure that they are safe. They also need to investigate further to get a better understanding of what has happened. You will probably have a lot of questions that cannot be answered yet, this can feel very frustrating. Try and focus on the here and now.

5 Things to Know:

 
1. It is not your or your child’s fault.

Someone has targeted your child and by various techniques has betrayed their trust or coerced them into doing what they wanted. The blame always rests with the perpetrator.

 

2. Your child may be watching your reaction closely.

Your reaction may be one of your child’s biggest worries. They will want you to tell them that you believe them and show this through how you support them. Reassure your child that you are okay and are there to support them.

 

3. You don’t need all the details today.

It is more important that you show your child that you are not angry with them and reassure them they are not to blame. Talking about it may be difficult for you as a family. Go at your child’s pace and do not expect them to tell you everything. 

 

4. Know who to contact if you’re worried.

If you are concerned that your child’s safety is still at risk, then call the officer investigating the case to let them know of your concerns. If you are unable to get hold of them or do not have one, then notify the police on 101; or 999 if they are at immediate risk of harm.

 

5. Keep things as normal as possible.

Where possible make time for your usual family activities so your child keeps some of their old routines and does not feel their life is now solely about what happened. Follow you usual “to do list” and try to keep things as “normal” as possible. Be patient with them and yourselves. This is a journey out of shame and embarrassment, and it can take time.

 

Help For What to Say

Simple Reassurance Lines

Your child may be worried about your reaction and may find it hard to talk. It can help to keep your words simple and focus on reassurance — showing that you are not angry with them, that you believe them, and that you are there to support them. Go at your child’s pace and don’t expect them to tell you everything at once.

  • “I want you to know I’m not angry with you, and you are not to blame.”
  • “I believe you.”
  • “I am okay and I am here to support you.”
  • “We don’t have to talk about everything at once - go at your pace.”

Next

How could this have happened?

An explanation of common ways children are targeted online, including grooming and coercion, and why many children don’t tell anyone straight away.

NEXT

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