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Understanding How Parents Might Feel

When something like this happens, it affects the whole family. Your parents/carers might react in ways that feel confusing — but it’s usually because they are shocked, scared, and trying to protect you.

Your parent / carer might feel lots of big feelings

They might feel:

  • angry (at the person who harmed you, or at what’s happened)
  • worried or scared (about your safety and what happens next)
  • sad (because you’ve been hurt)
  • guilty (“I should have known”, “I should have stopped this”)
  • overwhelmed (because there is a lot happening at once)

These feelings can come and go, and sometimes feel very big — like waves.

What this might look like

... and why it isn’t your fault

When adults feel shocked or scared, it can come out as:

  • asking lots of questions
  • wanting to “fix everything” straight away
  • being more protective than usual
  • crying or seeming upset
  • sounding cross or snappy

Even if they sound angry, it’s often because they are angry that it happened — not angry with you.

Parents might want to know everything

Parents often want to understand exactly what happened, because they want you to be safe. But it’s okay to go at your pace.

You can tell things:

  • in your own way
  • in your own time
  • a bit at a time

Sometimes you might feel ready to talk and your parent doesn’t feel ready — or the other way around. That can change over time.

What han help when you’re both trying to talk

  • Pick a good time (not when someone is busy or stressed)
  • Start small (you don’t have to say everything)
  • Write it down if talking feels hard
  • Say what you need, like:
    • “I just need you to listen.”
    • “I’m not ready to talk about details yet.”

If you feel blamed

Sometimes people say things that can sound like blame, even if they don’t mean it. If anyone makes you feel responsible, tell another trusted adult (like a teacher, the police officer, a support worker, or another family member). Responsibility belongs with the person who caused the harm.

The most important thing to remember

If someone pressured, tricked, or manipulated you, the blame lies fully with the person who harmed you - not you. You don’t deserve what happened, and you are not in trouble.

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