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  1. How We Can Help
  2. I am a young person

Understanding How Parents Might Feel

When something like this happens, it affects the whole family. Your parents/carers might react in ways that feel confusing — but it’s usually because they are shocked, scared, and trying to protect you.

Parents Can Feel Lots of Emotions at Once

Your parents/carers might feel:

  • anger (at the person who harmed you, or at the situation)
  • fear (about your safety, what happens next, or who knows)
  • sadness (because you’ve been hurt)
  • guilt (“I should have known”, “I should have stopped this”)
  • overwhelm (because there’s a lot of information and decisions all at once)

These emotions can come and go, and sometimes feel “big” like waves — which can make it hard for them to think clearly in the moment.

What this might look like

...and why it isn’t about blaming you

Sometimes worry and shock can come out as:

  • asking lots of questions
  • wanting to “fix everything” immediately
  • being more protective than usual
  • getting upset or tearful
  • sounding angry

Even if it looks like they are angry, it’s often because they are angry that it happened — not angry with you.

Parents may want details

... but it’s okay to go at your pace

Parents often want to understand exactly what happened. But it’s important that you get to tell things in your own way, and as much or as little as you want, in your own time. These conversations can be difficult for both of you, and it can help if everyone tries to stay as calm as possible.

Sometimes you might want to talk, and they don’t feel ready — or the other way around. That can change over time.

What can help

...when you’re both trying to talk

  • Choose a good time (not when someone is busy or overwhelmed)
  • Start small (you don’t have to say everything at once)
  • Use writing if talking is hard
  • Ask for what you need (“I just need you to listen”, “I’m not ready to talk about details yet”)

If You Feel Blamed

Sometimes people say things that sound like blame (even if they don’t mean to). If anyone is making you feel responsible, it’s okay to tell another trusted adult or professional — because victim blaming is harmful, and responsibility belongs with the person who caused the harm.

The Most Important Thing to Remember

Harm and abuse can happen regardless of someone’s choices. If someone abused, groomed, pressured or manipulated you, the blame lies fully with the person who harmed you — not you.

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